In the past two months, I’ve decided that it’s time to work on my anxiety issues, and improve my self-esteem and confidence. It’s been a problem for years now, but I’ve come to the realisation it is holding me back.
My anxiety is often crippling. A situation that doesn’t exist can completely tear me down. I’ll have hypothetical conversations that are negative and will ruin my day, or stop me from having the decent night sleep I so desperately needed. And it’s a situation that doesn’t even exist; it’s just me dwelling on what could happen.
Self-esteem and confidence
Self-esteem and confidence issues, are something that I’ve struggled with for a long time, and for years it has affected my career – I know I’m good at what I do, others know it too, but could I portray it? No. I don’t have the ability to talk myself up. Basically, I have no confidence in myself, which is just ridiculous. I sell myself short instead of telling the world just how great I am. It’s like I can’t back myself up.
I know I’m good, but why am I good? Well, actually if I just sat there for a moment to think about it I could tell you – I’m organised, I’m creative, I’m passionate, I’m ambitious, I’m a project person, and I love my job.
It’s time to seek help
Earlier in the week, when I was sat in a meeting with our CEO, CMO and an external party, discussing a major event series we are sponsoring. The external party looked to me, and asked me a question, and what I thought – and it was in that moment I realised how important I am, and what an amazing feeling it was being there. I even went back and told my department manager afterwards and she said, “You are important!”, and I had the same conversation with my husband too.
It was this moment that I realised, I can continue to let it hold me back, or I can finally invest in myself. Invest in meeting with a counsellor to work on my mind-set and hopefully, build up my confidence and self-esteem. I’ve always cared more about how other people see me, how they perceive me, or what they think of me. I’ve never put any value on myself.
It’s time to work on me, and to put myself first.